Who are you, and why are you in my bathroom?

Silver, tight like spider legs!

2004-05-23T18:52:00.000-06:00

*hums* I heart Rasputina.

So I am posting under obligation to the loveable copy chief, who hopefully has not starved to death overnight. So now you get to see some shitnuggets of wisdom from people I chat with:

TwoSteppingTipzy (8:06:06 PM): u got into jogns hiopkins

... ... ... ... ...

*sobs* *reaches* My school. Why???

Anyway. Here is Bush trying to be Kerry.

"He's not the only one who can get into sporting accidents! HA!"

In other news, I was guilttripped into going to after prom, though I'm refusing to go to prom. It was funny having my friend try to convince me to go, though. It went like this:

Friend: Prom is special! Prom is our last hurrah!
Chan: But I'm not licensed to hurrah.
Friend: It is a last gathering of friends.
Chan: We're just all too lazy to throw graduation parties.
Friend: Okay, then--it'll be a special memory.
Chan: Prom is just a dance with more dressing up.
Friend: You can't say that prom's just a dance with more 'dressing up.' That's like saying marriage is just a legal process!
Chan: ...But marriage is just a legal process.

And it continued for about two hours like this until I wanted to stab my face off with an icepick.

Um. I'll try to blog later when I have things to talk about. Or something. Troy looks like it really sucks.

Yrrgh.

2004-05-10T03:28:00.000-06:00

Wow, so it is almost completely totally sort of maybe summer. That's really disturbing to me, especially since I still haven't found a job. It's especially spooky because ): no more Buchtelite. This is a sad thing. Hopkins' newspaper only comes out once a week and has a lame name: "The News-Letter." It also capitalizes "university" when used in sentences like "The students has now left the university." This makes me resentful. But tis a good newspaper! I will have to try to get a job there or something.

And for Ben, because I know he was distressed at the giant Student Union-shaped hole in Hopkins, comes the happy news: They are now beginning construction. I especially like how they Photoshopped in a little poster of JHU.

How's that for karma? I'm leaving just as Akron's Student Union is becoming inordinately cool and such and Hopkins' is only getting built. Pwah. Something up there hates me.

In other news, I haven't slept at all tonight, and so everything is really disjointed. I've been having the geekiest dreams ever. Last night, I dreamt that I was arguing with someone about Lewis Carroll and whether or not he was allowed to make up words. I think there was also an argument about gerunds. In any case, I woke up really mad and proceeded to shoot myself out of nerdy frustration.

This is very funny and gacked from Mr Neil Gaiman's blog. I giggled a lot.

I think my seasonal job choices are dwindling really quickly. My mom suggested that I apply at a BP. It's not a good sign when my mom suggests something like that. It's even worse when she also suggested that I "read a lot, maybe."

2004-04-05T19:19:00.000-06:00

I actually have news! Which makes it doubly sad that I haven't posted here in such a long time. Poor blogger. So neglected.

This Wednesday, I will be getting up at the asscrack of dawn to head for Baltimore. Well, not really--about the asscrack of dawn part, that is. We're leaving around 3 p.m. I just really like saying ‘asscrack of dawn.’ (I don’t get up very often at the asscrack of dawn, and so I don’t have much a chance to say ‘asscrack of dawn.’ Which is why now I often lie and say I’m getting up at the ‘asscrack of dawn’ when I am, in fact, not getting up at the asscrack of dawn. Hrm. I just used ‘asscrack of dawn’ about a dozen times in a row.)

And why, you ask, am I leaving for Baltimore? (No, it's not time for 'creatures of the night to migrate against the tide of geese.')

It is because I am going to Johns Hopkins University. To campus visit for now and later in August to play with other girls and boys.

*squoo!*

Big-kid college, here I come!

The bad thing is that Baltimore happens to have the sixth highest crime rate in the nation >.> My friend who’s lived in NYC suggested that if I get mugged, I ought to stab the guy in the eyes with my keys. Ew. Squish like grapes.

Anyway. In other news, I got Squee’s Wonderful Big Giant Book of Unspeakable Horrors. It is tremendously shibby. There is some truly terrifying fanart at the end.

My playlist goes: The Sisters of Mercy, Tears for Fears and the Smiths. Somehow, that kind of disturbs me.

2004-03-14T19:57:00.000-07:00

Is the Ireland Times a reliable news source? If so: look.

Amusement.

2004-03-10T13:25:00.000-07:00

28 Reasons Against Gay Marriage

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control.

2. Marriage is valuable because it produces children, which is why we deny marriage rights to infertile couples and old people.

3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage, such as Britney Spears' 55-hour escapade, will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed.

5. Marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all: women are property, matches are arranged in childhood, blacks can't marry whites, Catholics can't marry Jews, divorce is illegal, and adultery is punishable by death.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because majority-elected legislatures have historically protected the rights of minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

8. There is no separation between religious marriage and legal marriage, because there is no separation of church and state.

9. Devout, faithful Anglicans should never accept same-sex marriage, because it is an affront to the traditional family values upheld by Henry VIII and his wife, Catherine of Aragon, and his wife, Anne Boleyn, and his wife, Jane Seymour, and his wife, Anne of Cleves, and his wife, Catherine Howard, and his wife, Catherine Parr. They all knew the meaning of marriage and none of them lost their heads over the matter.

10. Married gay people will encourage others to be gay, in a way that unmarried gay people do not.

11. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because dogs have legal standing and can sign marriage contracts.

12. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to legislative change in general, which could possibly include the legalization of polygamy and incest. Because we don’t know what comes next, we should never change our laws.

13. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

14. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like suburban malls and tupperware parties.

15. Legal marriage will inspire gays to mimic the straight traditions of spiritual commitment ceremonies and celebratory parties, which is currently impermissible for them to do and which they have never done before.

16. Marriage is designed to protect the well-being of children. Gay people do not need marriage because they never have children from prior relationships, artificial insemination or surrogacy, or adoption.

17. Civil unions are a good option because "separate but equal" institutions are always constitutional. In fact, compared with marriage, civil unions are so attractive that straight people are calling dibs on them.

18. A man should not be able to marry whomever a woman can marry, and a woman should not be able to marry whomever a man can marry, because in this country we do not believe in gender equality.

19. If gays marry, some of straight people's tax dollars would end up going to families whose structure they may find morally objectionable. Clearly, it is more just to continue taking gay people's tax dollars to support straight families, who are going to heaven regardless of what anyone else thinks of them.

20. Gays should hold off on the marriage question until society is more accepting of them, because they are not part of society.

21. The people's voice must be heard on this issue. Therefore, we must have a referendum on a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage, because we can't think of any other way to discuss the issue.

22. Each state should decide for itself whether gay marriage will be recognized, because there is no "full faith and credit" clause that requires states to recognize each other's institutions.

23. Gay marriage attempts to replace natural heterosexual instinct with a cultural institution. Morality demands that we subordinate institutionalized commitment to raw, unfettered, biological impulse.

24. Gay marriages could very well suffer maladies like domestic violence and substance abuse. That's why we invented the Quality Control department to pre-approve the righteousness of all marriage applicants, such as convicted serial killer Richard Ramirez who married a woman while on Death Row.

25. Those who support gay marriage aim to overthrow the dominant culture, as evidenced by their enthusiasm to participate in it.

26. The country can't afford to provide benefits for married gay couples. That's
why Bush would never consider spending $150 million on programs that encourage more straight people to get married.

27. Gay couples do not deserve marriage because, if everyone on earth limited themselves to same-sex sexual behavior, humanity would soon be extinct. Based on the same concern, we also deny marriage rights to the biologically childless and to those who have borne only one child. (We are also considering denying marriage rights to those who have borne three or more children, because if everyone copied them, the world population would shoot through the roof.)

28. Marriage was created in the Bible as a bond between a man and a woman. The people who lived prior to the writing of the Bible, such as the Chinese, sat around in confusion for many years until the Mesopotamians finally came around and invented the family unit.

2004-02-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

Orson Scott Card is a moron.

I'm going to attempt to drive myself to the YYYs tomorrow >.>;; If I wreck or die and I'm not at work Monday, then...yes. If I wreck and die and I am at work Monday, uh...please do the humane thing and put a bullet through my festering zombie head.

2004-02-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

And now for a Very Short Play:

::Twenty minutes into PHILOSOPHY class, CHAN is studiously wondering why no one can pronounce "DESCARTES." All of a sudden, the BROWN-NOSING LOSER at the front of the room (who incidentally always makes rather infuriatingly STUPID jokes) decides to try to be SCHOLARLY. He FAILS.::

LOSER: *raises hand*

TEACHER: Yes?

LOSER: *trying to sound intelligent* Why is it that these philosophers are called the 'pre-Socratics'?

CHAN: *four rows behind LOSER* Oh goddammit.

TEACHER: Well. Historically, they come before Socrates.

LOSER: But you said Socrates was the first philosopher.

TEACHER: Well. He was the first systematic philosopher. He brought things together and organized them and such.

CHAN: *checks WATCH* *wonders if she ought to TIME this exchange*

LOSER: ...But then why are these philosophers pre-Socratic? They were at the same time.

TEACHER: ... ... ... Um, no. They came...years and years and years before Socrates--Am I, uh, missing something?

::...And a LIGHTBULB goes on in LOSER's brain, flickering weakly, dimly, and coming distressingly close to GUTTERING out several times. CHAN glares at the back of LOSER's head and wonders how much ACCURACY it would take to fling NONEXISTENT ninja stars at him and actually PEG 'im good.::

LOSER: ... ...Oh.

TEACHER: Yes, uhm, they actually came before Socrates. ...Hence...'pre-Socratics.'

LOSER: ...But--

TEACHER: *rubs the BRIDGE of his nose* Everyone, go home.

THE REST OF THE CLASS: ...?

TEACHER: Yes, um...go home and...just go.

CHAN: *wonders if TEACHER is about to go buy some very heavy DRUGS out of the back of a PADDYWAGON*

End.

>.> The happy thing is that we got out of class forty minutes. Honestly, though. "Pre-Socratics"? Come on.

2004-02-15T19:25:00.000-07:00

Just more proof that Bill Maher is god, or at least very, very cool.

Goddammit.

2004-02-12T08:50:00.000-07:00

Look at this. What the fuck?

My favorite part is this: It makes no exceptions for rape victims or women who could suffer permanent serious health problems by having babies.

Yeah, women of America! Squeeze out those suckers even if it means you'll die!

Mrrgh.

Edit: On the other hand, this is smile-inside funny.

Shrimp ramen!

2004-02-11T12:28:00.000-07:00

I think I'm going through withdrawal. I told myself I'd be all healthy and such by drinking just water >.> and now I have this, like, soul-gnawing craving for wild cherry Pepsi. Or Code Red. But mostly for the wild cherry Pepsi. It is terrible. I'm going to end up living in a soggy cardboard box underneath a bridge (one that just unionized itself as a favorite of crazies who like to jump), ruined by my horrific caffeine addiction. Or maybe I will just sit here and make no sense. Um. Yes.

Last night, I watched Conan in Toronto. It was funny. I liked how people clapped for five minutes after every joke and cheered a lot. And pointed with two fingers and such.

Uh, I have nothing to talk about. I like the Faint. Am now listening to Rammstein. I haven't ever heard anyone speak German like he does O.o I heard my French teacher speak it once, and it was all light and cute like sparklefairy language. Maybe it was just her French accent?

I read Lenore for the first time this weekend. I especially liked the killer doll, the hamsters, and the cuckoo clock monster-thing. Jhonen Vasquez is still better, though. I really dug his guest strip. It was neat.

Fruit20 tastes funny.

2004-02-02T08:36:00.000-07:00

Jan Simonsen is a moron.

Do you know what's funny?

2004-01-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

"OLD SCHOOL" Evanescence fans! *dies laughing* Oh my friggin' god.

Yesterday, I met this girl who was just like, ">( BOO! I liked Evanescence way before everyone else!" It just boggled my mind.

I said, "Nerr?" but what I should've said was, "Dude, that just means you had bad taste before everyone else."

Anyway. Take a look at this: http://wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,61982,00.html?tw=wn_tophead_3

It's hilarious. "Oh no! The poll results aren't what we expected! People are practicing common sense! Er--um--quick, shut it down!"

In other news, Dell rocks muchly. I ordered an MP3 player from them Sunday evening, and it came on Tuesday. This is with the every ski resort dissolving and redistributing their mass over the entirety of the Midwest, too. I am happified.

Terry Pratchett rules. "Grim Squeaker."

A post!

2004-01-22T15:30:00.000-07:00

>.> Moo. I have nothing to say.

I got my first college acceptance letter! It was from Case Western Reserve University. I don't want to go, though. I don't like Cleveland >.> The roads are scary.

My mom waved the acceptance letter in my face and said, "You're accepted to all majors. You could go to medical school!!"

And then she went slightly insane and ran out of the room to show my dad. I yelled after her, "I'm not going to MEDICAL school!" but I don't think she heard me. She came back later, though, to say, "You could graduate in two years if you went to Case! You have to go to Case!" So we argued about the "college experience" for a while. Then she left to go do the things that the newly psychotic do.

Ten minutes later, my dad wandered in with an expression on his face like he'd just missed a train but didn't care. "...Hey. You could graduate in two years at Case," said he.

"*pounds head on desk repeatedly*," said I.

And then I went off to eat the very delicious Girl Scout cookies that I bought from Mrs Snowberger the other day. They're thin mints.

I wonder if anyone has seen all of 2001: A Space Odyssey. We saw a clip of it in Philosophy today and it looked pretty worthless. Apparently, it embodies exciting and thrilling philosophical ideas or something, though.

I have nothing to say. I wish my Linguistics teacher would speak without using verbal ellipsis. It exhausts me.

HOBOS!

2003-12-20T21:59:00.000-07:00

Today, I got to see one of my friends. I usually don't see her, 'cause of her living in a village on the outskirts of New York and all, so. She was in town, though, because of some wedding-thing.

Her room was at the Quaker Square hotel-place (which was all spooky-like O.o I never realized how freakishly shaped that building is. Her room was a friggin' question mark. Bizarre). We hung out at the silo for about five hours or so. It was very fun. Then we went to a comic book shop-place and poked fun of comics and Godzilla, which was playing on the t.v. She ended up buying one of the Last Man comics and some other thing. On our way out, we passed a sign that said “cant” instead of ‘cant,’ and so I had to froth at the mouth and scream, “People decant things! Horses canter!! CAN’T! CAN’T!"

Naturally, when we passed the sign again while going to dinner, I took my pen out and vandalized it. >.>; Anyway. :D We feasted on the flesh of hobos (freshly imported from New York to add that tangy zip of the unemployed!) and talked about the plural form of “ho.” Afterwards, we went back to her hotel room and watched Iraqi documentaries and Teen Titans (which rocks, by the way XD "I will not look at your book of meanness and swirls!"). However, we did not watch Iraqi documentaries about Teen Titans. Because that would’ve been weird.

All in all, a very fulfilling day.

2003-12-15T15:12:00.000-07:00

>.>
New rule: I'm not allowed to go to eBay. Every time I do, I can't just bid on one thing. I think I'm up to a month-old salami sandwich, two pairs of mismatched boots, fifteen playing card decks, and an immigrant maid now.

Oh!

2003-12-12T18:36:00.000-07:00

Forgot to update on the Econ-stalker-boy situation.

So now, a Very Short Play, feat. the return of Slanty-Eye Fetish Chinese Man With The Tasteless Goatee and Strange, Powder-Blue Backpack.

:: It is a quarter ‘til noon. CHAN is waiting in the hallway for the door to room 122 to OPEN so she can go IN and fail her ECON exam. She has her HEADPHONES on and is listening to VERY BAD music, namely Jack Off Jill.::

Chan: *bops head a little* *stares at floor and wonders why there are mop-streaks*

:: Suddenly, CHAN feels a TAP on her shoulder, and she LOOKS around. There stands SLANTY-EYE FETISH CHINESE MAN (et cetera; now referred to as Man Off Boat, which is his AMERICAN name), who, apparently, has been talking to her for quite some time without her knowing.::

Chan: Yer?

Man Off Boat: I said, “Good luck on your final.”

Chan: Uh. Thanks. *interpretation: “Babeh, you eyes so pretteh...”*

Man Off Boat: Maybe we will have class together next semester.

Chan: Um. Maybe. *interpretation: “Babeh, I wannstalk you and binds you feet...”*

Man Off Boat: I--

::The DOOR to room 122 miraculously OPENS and PEOPLE come out. CHAN makes a mad DASH for the door and escapes the scary FOOT-binding Man Off Boat::

Chan: Freedom!

Professor: Hi, kids. *hands out exams*

Chan: ...

The End.

Not a happy ending. Oh, well. Econ blows.

During the whole time, I was all, “Maybe we’ll have another class together? I said, like, three things to you. Three unenthusiastic things. Double-yew tee eff, mate? Maybe we’ll have a class together. Or, maybe I will sit in my room, unlacing my shoes, chewing on strawberry twizzlers and humming the theme from the Valley of Dolls to myself in an attempt to forget that you were ogling my slanty eyes. I will now fix this ‘slanty eye’ problem by applying masking tape. Look what you made me do. BOO!”

Ooh. Stream of conscious.

Um. Yes. I will go and read my Sandman stuffs now. :3

P.S. Before I forget, go and look at this and pretend it is a card. Much love with a "u" and two "f"s from me to you.

Thank GOD.

2003-12-12T11:36:00.000-07:00

Finals week is ovvvver. Am so glad.

Last Friday, I found myself trapped in Hell (in a very Bosch sense?), Hell being the greeting card section of Kohl's, of course. I was stuck there for over forty-five minutes, looking for greeting cards that say "Happy Holidays!" instead of "Merry Christmas! Look, here's baby Jesus! Start worshippin'! ::verse::" While I was looking for greeting cards, I was surrounded by an army of spooky Santa Claus statues with button eyes. During all this, of course, the same Christmas carols were being pumped through a loudspeaker over and over.

Yaaagh. Button eyes. Other Santas. >.> In the cellar?

/random Coraline allusions

Let's see. I have nothing to blog about.

I passed out around 5:30 this morning or something. >.> It was kind of strange. I think it's because I told myself, "Okay, we will sleep early, because exams are important, and failing is bad." Then my brain was like, "*takes out book detailing the corallaries of Murphy's law* Hmmmmmno."

FLCL is neat.

2003-12-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

http://www.snopes.com/quotes/quayle.htm

Ah...that makes me laugh.

Will post properly this Friday.

Random update about movies and books.

2003-11-24T08:12:00.000-07:00

This weekend was very lovely (luvahly!). I watched two movies, one of which was very fantastic and the other which was very unfantastic, but I liked it anyway. The one that was fantastic was Fight Club, which everyone in the entire known universe has seen except for me. Well. I have seen it now. But, you know. The second movie was The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys. I saw the cover, and I thought, "Ooh, Kieran Culkin." because I am strange and Igby Goes Down was a life-altering experience for me. Or slightly life-changing, anyway, like having my favorite fruit go from being plums to peaches or something.

Anyway. Fight Club was unbelievably amazing, and I understand why people say, "I am Jack's [et cetera]." now. It has the Terrific-est Plot Twist Ever, and I really dug it. I was kind of disappointed, though, because I'd checked out the DVD, and I was expecting all these deleted scenes, but there...weren't. Oh, well.

Also, the beating-up of that blond dude was disturbing.

The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys was so random and the animation sequences weren't really that impressive >.> But I liked it, because Kieran Culkin and his mad acting skillz are able to portray the Snarky Smartass very well. I think those are the only roles that Mr Culkin gets. He rings up his agent and says, "Hello. Any Snarky Smartass roles for me today? No? Okay, then. I am going to go eat tuna on rye."
Also: Most. Predictable. Character death. EVER.

Maybe it's just me, having read A Separate Peace, but...I doubt it.

*coughs*

Anyway...hm. What else happened?

Oh! I read some of Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors last night, and it is amazing. For some reason, I really dig the sentence "I fell for her like a suicide from a bridge." and the story "Nicolas was..."

Shortly after discussing my phobia of everything with a friend online, I tried to go to bed and promptly had a paranoid freak-out >.>; It was partly because of Smoke and Mirrors, though, I suspect. So, new rule: No Neil Gaiman before bed. Only take with food and well-shaken.

I read about a hundred and twenty pages of Smoke and Mirrors, then stared at my ceiling and wondered if, by unfocusing my eyes, I could somehow see into the otherly dimension that lives inside my ceiling lights. When this was unsuccessful and I only saw little specks of blueish light (which I was certain was just flotsam shit-stuffs inside my eyes), I started to think about weird things that I read about in Smoke and Mirrors. Then I effectively freaked myself out and couldn't go to sleep.

Anyway. Passed out around three thirty. Am very hyper and can't stop tapping my foot. Will stop typing now.

It is morning, and

2003-11-12T08:14:00.000-07:00

Nothing new has happened, except for this distressing new trend of alliteration in the penis-enlargement spam I keep getting, in other words: "No pills, no pumps, just patch!"

Gee, thanks. At least they didn't make a sentence out of it. Like

Pruscilla popped pills in pale prancing pumps, proudly post-primping in Petunia's pumpkin patch.

Hmm. With some work, those "in"s could be completely eliminated. Too bad I don't feel like exerting that much effort >.>;

My foot is asleep.

2003-11-11T19:32:00.000-07:00

Shh. We do not wish to wake it.

Let's see. Nothing interesting has happened to me lately. It's not like I haven't had anything to do, either. It's one of those, "Oh, I have to do things. But they are...not...interesting. So. I will not talk about them."

That was the most pointless paragraph *points* Right there.

Hmmmm.

I have a candle, tilde! It sucks ass through a crazy straw, though, as it is supposed to be lemon-scented but is, instead, wax-scented. It is also getting all schmoopy, because I've been playing with it all weekend. I kept burning index cards and stuff, too :D It was superfun.

Uhh. Ummm. Yes.

You know, I wish that 92.3 wouldn't keep being all, "BLARGHHHH!! NIGHTMARE BEFORE XMASSSS!" because every time I hear it, I keep thinking of...well, Nightmare Before Christmas. And then I say, "Tim Burton. *happy*" and it's false advertising! Or something. I don't even know what I am saying.

NaNoWriMo is kicking my ass like a badly shaped can. Can meaning my ass, that is. Not NaNoWriMo. NaNoWriMo is just some big, bullying, kicking thing.

I want comic books. That requires leaving the house, though.

Hm. Rancid is coming to the Agora. But I don't think I could review them, seeing as how I suck at reviewing and such. --Hey, Duran Duran! They are sold out already. I wonder how much tickets were for them. Um. [insert more interesting things here].

There aren't any other bands I really want to go see. That is sad. Yup.

Meanwhile, back on the farm...

2003-11-04T15:57:00.000-07:00

I have Econ tomorrow. If Random Chinese Boy decides to try to talk to me again, I am going to need people to help me hide the body. Volunteers?

Gahhh. You know, this is the second time something like this has happened to me. Why is it that Random Chinese Boy (v. 1.0 or 2.0, that is) think that I give a crap about what they have to say just because we both have slanty eyes?

I am going to have to make a hate-colored t-shirt. Right after I drink some good ol'-fashioned hate cola, of course.

P.S. Hey, self: Bring a fan to work tomorrow. Just in case.

Edit: Hey, look what I found: http://smjkord618.blogspot.com/

Ouch.

??

2003-11-03T10:10:00.000-07:00

O.o

Okay, so two weeks ago, this Chinese dude in my Econ class approaches me. He says, "Hi. Are you from China?"

I say, "No. My parents are from Taiwan."

And then I booked it out of there.

Last week, he approaches me again. Before class. While I have my headphones on. And this happened:

Him: Hi. What did we do last week?
Me: *shrug*
Him: So you are Chinese?
Me: *nods* *thinks: "Why do you think I care about what you think just because we are both Chinese? Shoo."*
Him: *meaningless nonsense about class and notes*
Me: 'kay.
Him: *babbles about his major*
Me: Mm-huh. *thinks: "Double-yew tee eff? I have headphones on. You can hear music blaring through them, can't you? This MP3 player is an instrument of antisociality. Can't you buy a clue?"*
Him: *asks name*
Me: *thinks: "Dammit, you'd better not sit down next to me, or I am going to have to be mean."*
Him: *goes and sits elsewhere, like a good little boy*

>.>

And then, today, he asked me if I played volleyball. And if I'd like to join his little Chinese youth group thing. Like so:

Him: Do you play volleyball?
Me: No.
Him: Oh, because *phased out, because Chan could not hear through her headphones* and so I'm asking people on campus *phased out, because Chan was turning up volume* if you'd like to coach volleyball with *phased out, because Chan was contemplating suicide in a fairly melodramatic manner*
Me: I hate sports.
Him: Oh. Well, it's very fun. We'll teach you how to coach people.
Me: *considers telling him, "I hate people," too, just to see what else he would say. Maybe 'We have refreshments!'?* Uh. Okay.
Him: *walks with Chan and does. not. leave. her. alone.* And so *babbles*
Me: Um. I am going this way. *points random way she is not actually going*
Him: Oh. Bye! *waves* :D
Me: *flees*

Dammit, people-of-my-ethnic-origin, why do you have cults? And why do you keep trying to make me join them?

Yarghhh.

Boop.

2003-10-30T10:14:00.000-07:00

Hmm. I think somehow, my temporary bout of crankiness yesterday has carried over to today. I still blame the stupid asstards over at the SAS for making me wait for a friggin' hour when I could've just given the stupid form-thingy to the registrar and gotten everything over with in, what, five minutes?

Also, I think I am cranky because the interviewer-guy from Random University-place still hasn't called me. And I don't do well under pressure and suspense and et cetera. So...sob, cry, pout, moue, and so on.

This post has no point.

P.S. I didn't mean to piss Jessie off with my long tirade about how we suck and we need to stop sucking >.> *feels bad*I hope she isn't mad at me. That'd suck.

2003-10-29T13:28:00.000-07:00

Come on, Copy Desk. We need to stop sucking.

Applause.

2003-10-29T08:28:00.000-07:00

Huzzah! I figured out how to modify the Shoutbox! :3

...

Mmyes, I know I'm pathetic.

Let's see...no, there wasn't anything interesting to say here except, "Marvel at my belated ingenuity (which isn't ingenuity at all, as a matter of fact)!"

:D Fabulous.

Edit: Oh, wait, I do have something to blog about. Rather, a question: Has anyone--anyone, anyone--been able to get through reading Martin S.'s little self-bantering interviewy-thing? Like, in one sitting, I mean?

I've tried three times now, and I still can't finish it. Urgh.

A quick post before running off to class.

2003-10-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

Meh. I just finished what could possibly be the worst paper ever. I just, like, randomly cited people. Twisted the words in their mouths, I did. Mwaha.

Um. I had something to say here. I know I did. While I am trying to figure out what I was going to post about I will say this:

>:D Soon, faux!Brian will be initiated into the collective. Hahaha, f'serious, though, we should probably be nice to him. He's being a good boy and he's trying to quit smoking. Which I hear is very difficult and causes extremities to shrivel up and fall off.

Oh! Right. Now I remember.

I was hit on today by someone who was using what could possibly be the worst pick-up line ever (while I was typing up what could possibly be the worst paper ever, incidentally). He said, "Wow, you type so fast. You just type and type and ::here, he makes typing noises:: your fingers just move so quickly."

I just sort of nodded and smiled and thanked the nice man, all the while hoping that he wouldn't offer me candy and a ride in his car (which has black windows and a blank license plate).

Jesus.

P.S. Hi, Not-so-Secret Admirer! *waves* :D

*confused about the offended remark* *does not think it was meant for her?*

Moooo.

2003-10-27T12:55:00.000-07:00

Random animal noise! Mm-huh.

Let's see. Nothing much happened to me over the weekend (Hence the lack of blogging). I did go to my first and last high school football game (I was forced to go by my friend who is a bandgeek >.O Oh, the things I do). It was terrible. I was miserable beyond belief >.> Because it was cold and windy and noisy and this popular guy sat in front of me and had a harem of girls swarming around him like swarmy-things. x.x

Anyway. Yeah. Oh! And I kept thinking, "I'm watching people tackle each other for a ball. I could see something better on cable. This is like Skinimax with more grass and less nudity."

So...much relief when I got to go home post-halftime.

Saturday, I didn't do much of anything. I did, however, have the Stupidest Thought Ever in the History of Thoughts. That is:

"Hm. Because people call me 'Chan' at work, I guess that that's kind of like my first name. Now...what if I met someone whose last name was 'Chowder' and married him? ...Then my name would be 'Chan...Chowder.' Ow. Brain. Why have you turned into a waffle?"

Yeah, I warned you. Badness.

Have been listening to Dir en Grey nonstop lately. They scare me. But I can't stop listening. Wheee.

2003-10-23T10:15:00.000-06:00

Well, that's cleared up.

IMed Patrick last night, and he said that I made a "very strong case" that he was an asshole. Feeling rather benevolent, I told him, "Hmm. Well, no, you're not an asshole. You act like one, though." And he start blabbering about mathematical proofs, and I got all confused. Before I passed out in a haze of bafflement, though, I managed to make him "apologize sincerely" to me.

...

I'm not the only one who gets all paranoid when someone actually says that you have his-backslash-her
"sincerest apology," right? I mean, it's wonky-like. You don't actually say, "I'm being sincere. Look at my sincerity! Sincerenimity!"

Eh, whatever. I don't plan on talking to him much anyway, as I just wanted an apology. >.>

In other news, I may be forced to go to a football game soon, damn it all to hell, because Chan, we're seniors! You have to come see the senior show!

*long-suffering sigh*

With the outsideness and the coldness and the leaving the houseness...

Am bummed.

Dude!

2003-10-22T08:34:00.000-06:00

On my way to the ASEC library, I passed an ambulette! How cool is that?! An ambulette! Like...a mini-ambulance! Or an ambulance that hasn't garnered enough brownie engine-exhaust points yet, or hasn't slept with all the right porsches!

Mwehe. "Ambulette." I am disturbingly easy to amuse.

P.S. However, by the logic of "ambulette" being a "small ambulance," does that mean that an "omelette" is a..."small omelance"? ...Hm, I didn't think so.

Yerrr?

2003-10-20T15:13:00.000-06:00

The Blogger thing is happening again, where the posty-place is all bizarre-looking. Maybe it's just the Buchtelite's computers?

Anyway. Last Saturday, I didn't sleep >.> And so I went to bed at eleven last night and woke up at eight. So I got nine hours of sleep, which was fantabulous! But my body refuses to see the fantabulousness of this, so I've been trying to survive today on only caffeine and gummy worms. I also have strange cravings for wild cherry Pepsi. Which is slightly bizarre, as I shouldn't be having meta-cravings, as I am not meta-pregnant.

Um. I want Nightmare Before Christmas on DVD. *lusts*

...

2003-10-20T08:18:00.000-06:00

I'm traumatized.

http://innocent-wishes.blogspot.com/

...I'm going to pretend that it is a thirteen-year-old who doesn't know much English. Because if I repeat that to myself over and over, it will eventually come true, and then the good blue fairy will come and destroy all netspeak and leet and such.

Except for cellphones, because it's kind of convenient then? I guess?

I don't know; that doesn't really apply to me anyway, as I have no text messaging.

Um. Yes.

Just felt like sharing that atrocity :D It is my job to spread happiness and cheer throughout the world. Like strawberry-flavored bubonic plague.

Mehrgle.

2003-10-18T19:42:00.000-06:00

O.o I am bad at this blogging thing. I can't figure out how to make the Shout Box longer, and the bullet points next to everyone's names scare me.

Too bad my attention span is too short for me to actually do something about this.

Dude.

2003-10-18T18:19:00.000-06:00

That is kind of spooky, this secret admirer business-thing. *spooked*

At least I am not being stalked. Chan attracts a) stalkers, and b) old men. This sixty-year-old tried to pick me up the other day with rousing discussion about the Student Union. I said, "Ummmm, yes. Damned administration...*carefully escapes before Sixty-Year-Old Man can begin talking about 'Nam or whatever*"

In other news, I think Edie Brickell is starting to grow on me. Which is annoying, because I only like one of the songs on this CD.

Also, Evanscence sucks. Why, peer group? Why do you like them? They are awful, unoriginal, and that chick's eyebrows scare me!!! Gawd. My friend lent me Fallen, and I was killing myself trying to give the CD a "fair chance." But it just sucked. Every song sounded exactly the same. I wanted to tear my hair out, braid it into a noose, and then hang myself with it! Blarghh.

While I'm on the subject of sucky music >.> I saw the Sounds on Jimmy Kimmell (I think? Possibly it was some other show.) the other night, and I'm very disappointed. *coughs* I feel kind of bad for putting them on my Mix Masters list-thing, now, because I listened to them perform for, like, a minute before I started getting the awful, gnawing feeling that they suck.

Oh, well. At least their studio-mixingness has taken out all suckage from the songs that I have on my computer :D

In furtherly other news: I think I just made the Thickest Coffee Ever. *peers into mug* I put too much coffee in it, and so I had to balance it out with more sugar. And then it was all dark-like, so I added a ton of creamer. And then it smelled funny, so I...put more sugar in it. And it just mutated and grew and grew until it had the consistency of Stay Puft Jell-O.

If Stay Puft made Jell-O, that is.

Yergh. I am incoherent. This is the perfect time to go study for standardized tests! :D

2003-10-15T19:55:00.000-06:00

Here are the Neil Gaiman quotations I told you about, Quinness:

("What do you think of the Frankfurt Bookfair?" asked another interviewer.

"I think if I am a very evil man while I live, when I die I will be sent to a Frankfurt Bookfair that will go on forever in every direction, and will never end, and the interviews will never stop," I told him, honestly. I don't think that a multiple choice exam of possible correct answers to give journalists in answer to that question would have had that one listed.)

and:

(The real answer to "Did you ever meet or interview Douglas Adams when you wrote the book about him?" should actually have been "Of course I did. I interviewed him extensively between 1983 and 1987", and not, as I heard my mouth saying, "No, we never met. I think he was scared of me. I spoke to someone through a closed door at one point who claimed to be Douglas, but I think it was really one of his friends pretending to be him. It was all extremely disturbing.")

Er?

2003-10-15T12:23:00.000-06:00

I am at the Buchtelite office, and either blogger.com is being wonky, or these computers are...um [insert synonym for "wonky," like "funky" or "loony" or "fruitcake with nuts on top"].

In other news, I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to write for my Intro to Fiction Writing class. It's so inane and I suck at it. And yet I can't skip, because it's one of those little classes where you sit in a circle, hold hands, and sing songs.

In further other news, two days ago, I sent Patrick (who is an asshat) an e-mail with the message, "Hel-lo, saying 'I'm sorry' here might help. Just a little." and he still hasn't replied. Which makes me roll around laughing. I'm not sure why. I'm still trying to figure out what a "solfeige" is, because in the last e-mail he sent me, the subject line was, "Is re an accidental solfeige?" To which I replied, "What the shit?"

Um. So, right. What's a solfeige? Because I fed it to Mr. Webster and he spat it back out with an expression of extreme puzzlement. (Or maybe he's just imaginarily pregnant and carrying a meta-baby.)

Still have nothing to blog about. Will drop pronouns from everyday speech to compensate.

?

2003-10-14T13:19:00.000-06:00

I have nothing to blog about >.> This is nothing -->

In other news, my friend needs to stop telling me that I'd like that movie School of Rock, because it's making my soul bleed. I'm like, "Nooo. Nonoooo. No watching School of Rock!"

Um. Today, I had to dig holes for my biology lab, and I briefly considered throwing myself in. But then I was all lazy and wussy and gave up after digging a hole with a radius of about two inches. Biology is possibly the stupidest class ever, though. The other week, we sat and watched plants make bubbles under water. This week, I think we're going to experiment with what happens when someone breathes on dirt. Well, maybe not, but it'll be something equally as dull.

Uh.

F'serious. And now more nothing!!-->

Mergh?

2003-10-10T09:54:00.000-06:00

Boooo. I have been in a bad mood all week. Partly because of my uterus, and furtherly (Haha, furtherly >.>) because I found out that Patrick, one of my high school friends, was saying awful, terrible, malicious...bad things behind my back. So naturally, I was like, "*sigh* What the hell? Ethel, are you taking valium and holding yourself upside down in the toilet again?"

I talked to him last night, called him Ethel lots of times, and wondered why he couldn't spell "prerogative" correctly. And I promptly got nowhere, because halfway through, he started quoting Voltaire. So I said, "*rolls eyes like dice* Ethel, Ethel, Ethel, why? No, I don't care that you're having a mid-life crisis, you're fucking seventeen. No, I don't care if you're trying to figure out your 'philosophy of life.' Just tell me why you said items a, b, and c. Do I have to beat you with teh smyting stik, Ethel?"

And then he tried to write an essay and give it to me. So I said, "Ethel, we're talking. Talking means one person says one thing, and the other person says something else. No exchanging essays, okay? Okay? Okay?"

Then finally I said fuck it and went to watch Seinfeld. It was very satisfying. :3

Um. I have nothing to talk about, because the only thing that's happened to me all week is bad, high school drama rearing its ugly head and attempting to reclaim my life like an icky reclaiming-thing. Yeek.

Before I forget, the insult of the week (last week, actually? I think?) is "crusty, crystalliferous cunt." It used to be "crusty, crystalliferous pooty," but then we decided that alliteration Is The Best. As is Random Capitalization.

>:D Oh, but Bill Walsh saved the day again, and Chan printed out many pages from the Slot to show that no, it's not "The University of Akron staff"; it's "the University of Akron staff," or whatever. Yayyy.

Now I have to figure out how to get around capitalizing the "the" when it's just "the University of Akron" by itself.

...

*tries to think of something else to talk about*

Ummm. Ummm. I want to see Kill Bill.

*nods sagely*

2003-10-07T13:20:00.000-06:00

On a related note to evidence that Fox News is Supreme Evil With Pepperoni On Top, as cited by the lovable copy chief Brian, did anyone see Conan O'Brien's monologue last night?

Rather, his monologue from a long time ago that was played last night?

"USA Today has turned the news into a 'Highlights' magazine!

Look, pie charts! More people like beef than chicken! YAYYY! *claps*"

Hilarity.

Edit: By the bye, I am making a new rule for the Buchtelite: No using the word 'rave' as a verb in news articles. Ever.

We rave on Oprah.

We do not rave in news articles.

Further Edit:
We rave on Fox News.

We do not rave in news articles.

What the shit?

2003-10-07T13:17:00.000-06:00

O.o Mass puzzlement!

I had a dream that I threw away all my toothbrushes, then, when I was snoozebuttoning this morning, I kept wondering, "What does 'O.J.' in 'O.J. Simpson' stand for?" during all my conscious moments.

And then once I was properly awake, I found that my subconscious had taken it upon itself to tell me that the "O.J." stands for "Oscar Jones." Which I suspect is incorrect.

Lemon curry?

Yergh.

2003-10-06T08:41:00.000-06:00

Bah. I was blogging downstairs, but then the computer crapped out on me. And as I was journeying back up here to use these shitty computers as opposed to other shitty computers, I encountered people who did not comprehend the concept that no, two people can't go through the same doorway at the same time. Either you have to wait, or the other person has to wait. If I slow down, you should speed up and get through there so that I can, ideally, go through without having to stop and wait for you to haul your incompetent ass at a leisurely pace.

Jesus. I'm not easily annoyed, really >.> I guess that just means people are just easily annoying.

In other news, we at the Buchtelite will never have to worry about this. Unless we start intriguing the asshole portion of the on-campus population.

Eh. What can you do. Oh, right--get a shoutbox. Um. Working on that.

P.S. I really like "Ballroom Blitz" by Sweet. I'm not sure why. >.>; *puzzled*

Pointlessness.

2003-10-02T17:27:00.000-06:00

The Student Union has butt cups!

Bouncing, spinning butt cups!

I sat in one of them! It was the space-ageiest chair ever!

I am so amused.

In other news, I can't stop listening to this David Bowie song. It is invading my brain like some kind of brain-invading thing.

Can someone tell me why the tag for bolding something is "strong"? Like...strong coffee?

Anyway. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten that French vanilla capuccino. But it was trippendicular and yummilicious. And...I have nothing else to say. I should start making things up. But that would be sad. So...I will not.

Yay?

2003-09-30T19:48:00.000-06:00

I was listening to NPR, and they were doing this little informational thing about the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. But...the lady pronounced it "Yay Yay Yay"s.

Double-yew tee eff?

Another Very Short Play

2003-09-29T19:19:00.000-06:00

:D A la Quinn (And with the name "Chan" so people will not get confused):

The curtain opens on the Chan household. They are eating RICE, which is the staple of the CHINESE diet. After several minutes of DISCUSSION, CHAN's father decides that the best course of ACTION is...
Dad: You should get those recommendation forms to Mrs. Hannan.
Chan: Okay, I will.
Dad: You should get those recommendation forms to Mrs. Hannan.
Chan: Yes, I know.
Dad: You should get those recommendation forms to Mrs. Hannan.
Chan: Yes, I know.
Dad: Then just say "okay."
Chan: I did!
Mom: Saying "I know" makes it sound like we're nagging.
Chan: But you are.
Mom: No, we're giving you a friendly reminder.
Chan: Friendly reminder, friendly reminder. You just friendly remindered me three times in the last five minutes!
Dad: *snickers*
Chan: Oh, fer cryin' outl--Jesus. *thinks about Texas and chainsaws*
Curtain falls.

In other news, Tranquil New Guy is a gay-bashin', chair-stealin', candycorn-hatin', server-crashin' mofo. I'm looking to add more adjectives to this, but I think that once I exceed five or six, I'll start forgetting things. And then I'll just make things up. And that'll just end up with me saying things like, "Chips-eatin'" or "copy-editin'," which is just uncool and such.

Um. Yes.

I have nothing to talk about.

2003-09-27T12:28:00.000-06:00

I love this letter they sent me for the hearing/policetrialthing.
It says:
Please no "baggy pants", "gang" related clothing or jewelry, "pagers", or "cellphones".

My initial reaction was, "How about my "foot" up your "ass" for not having "proper" punctuation?"

Oh, but it gets better, you see--and now a Somewhat Short Play (as stolen from Quinn):

The curtain opens on a dreary, rainy day. STEPH has donned a BLUE sweater-shirt for the occasion, a jean jacket, and a meek expression. She is standing under an alcove, reading a NOTICE posted on the door of the POLICE STATION.

Steph: What the hell is a "mam"?

STEPH's dad comes up and closes his UMBRELLA. They enter the POLICE STATION, which SUCKS, and are greeted by a rather JOLLY police officer. The rest of this play will be in and out of QUOTATION MARKS.

Steph: What? Why "aren't" we going "to" court?

Police Officer 1: Please have a seat here.

Steph and Steph's dad: *sits*

PO2: So I see you are here for breaking curfew?

Steph: "Yes."

PO2: Do you know what curfew is?

Steph: ...It is a "limitation" on when "you" can leave your "house"?

PO2: And do you know when the curfew is for Springfield?

Steph: ...Eleven "p.m."?

PO2: Until...?

Steph: ...I don't "know."

PO2: Five. It is from ten to five for
Lakemore.

Steph: *wonders WHERE the hell Lakemore IS* *looks out the window and realizes that she is in Lakemore*

PO2: So, [Steph], why did you leave the house?

Steph: Umm. We wanted things to eat.

PO1: *interrupts* Did you go to Taco Bell?

Steph: No, Steak 'n' Shake.

PO2: I hear they're good.

PO1: Yes.

Steph: ???

PO2: So, Mr. Chan. How are [Steph]'s grades?

Dad: Uh. She has a 4.0.

PO1: Good student.

PO2: Yes.

Steph: *wonders if she gets a WONDERBISCUIT*

PO2: What about at home? How is she at home?

Dad: Uh. Her mom is very upset. We never expected this to happen.

PO1: *nods sagely*

Steph: *wonders why DAD is not lavishing praises about her so she does not get RAPED with a strap-on in prison*

PO2: So, [Steph], tell me, what were you doing?

Steph: ... ... ... *wonders WHY she's being ASKED this again* "Um." I...was...food?

PO2: Hm.

PO1: What about pizza? Why didn't you get pizza?

PO2: Oh, yes. Pizza.

PO1: But, wait--most pizza places close at one.

PO2: That's true.

Steph: ... ... *starts thinking: "--But I don't want to go among mad people. --Too bad. We are all mad here! --...Oh. Well, you suck. --Just go and save Wonderland, you pointless heifer. --I am mentally traumatized!"*

PO2: So, [Steph], what do you think we should do with you?

Steph: Um.

PO2: We could take you to court. What about a year of community service? Or, you know, we could just file this (and then you won't be punished at all and such).

Steph: *wonders what the hell the POLICE OFFICER thinks she's going to CHOOSE (as she is not a DUMBASS)* Well, I "think" I have "learned" my lesson"."

PO1: *nods sagely*

PO2: Yes. So, we will file this. The charges are dropped. ...Unless you want to go to court?

Dad: Uh. No. *is ALSO not a DUMBASS*

PO2: Alright, then, *stands and SHAKES Dad's hand, then STEPH'S.*

PO1: Stay out of mischief, eh, [Steph]?

Steph: *weak smile* "Okay."

The curtain falls as Steph wonders,

Steph: What the "shit"? That was "anticlimatic."

2003-09-19T08:35:00.000-06:00

Whoa, shit. I have a blogger. I guess this makes me sheep? :D

Um. I have nothing important to say, so I will just...stop...blogging. I guess?

Oh! This is interesting: I was asked out by a thirty-year-old yesterday. It confused me and made me say, "...?"

And then I repeated needlessly: "...?"

Mmyep. I am going to go...read blogs now. :D <--gratuitous emoticon